Abby’s latest developmental milestone? Separation anxiety. Not a fave, personally. And honestly, don’t know who’s more anxious . . . the baby or her parents. For the most part, it makes its appearance around nap and bedtime (joy) and takes the form of screaming bloody murder (double joy). And then when she adds a "Momma Momma", well, just break my heart then stomp on it, will ya? 

In an email today I actually typed the words, ” My kid is wrecking my social calendar.” Let me clarify what I meant by that statement.  I was referring to the fact that I had to tell a friend, ” No I could not meet them for lunch because my son takes his morning nap from 11-1 now.” Real convenient!

A lot of my friends work during the day so I  used to meet one or a group of them for lunch once or twice a week. I have had to take a hiatus from “lunching” due to my son’s transition into the land of one nap a day. I was actually looking forward to the day when he would nap only in the afternoon. I could run errands or take him to the park in the morning and it would be great. I could plan all of our activities for the morning or late afternoon.  I must say that I did not forsee this transition nap stage where he would sleep from 11-1 and then again from 4-6.  I thought he would just magically drop the morning nap one day instead of pushing both of his daily naps back. It’s hard to plan playdates when your kid is the only one in town awake from 1-4 p.m.  Most kids his age are probably napping then.

It’s funny how I always look forward to the next thing or stage in my son’s life. I always think that the next stage will be so much better but then it comes around and it has it’s limitations just like every other “stage” has.  You would think that I would have learned that by now.  Apparently, I’m still a mommy in training.

For years, I taught preschoolers their ABC’s, patched up their skinned knees, cleaned their messes (all of their messes)…but I was not a Mommy. 

I just saw this add online, and it made me smile.

One of the first things I did when I found out I was gonna be a mommy was sign up to get weekly emails from BabyCenter.  During the pregnancy, it walked me through what my baby looked like in my belly from week to week. Now, articles tell me what to expect from my infant. A lot of the info isn’t terribly helpful, since I have a pretty good understanding of my little one. But, what I am appreciating are the articles that remind me that I need to understand some things about myself.

This one was a good one for me, and I hope it is a great reminder for you.

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labor?
A: Not unless the word ‘alimony’ means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby’s diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

I was cruising around Gap’s website this afternoon checking out the baby section. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they now carry more than clothes. They have strollers, bedding, teething toys, mobiles, and a whole other slew of products. It seems it is becoming the norm to offer one stop shopping. The company also now only charges a flat $7 shipping charge. That means you you can order from all four of their stores at the same time for that one shipping fee. Cool huh?

Here are a few of my favorite finds:

I had high hopes to be a fabulous blogging momma. I would maintain these blogs with humorous daily quips about life as a new mom. It took me about 1 month of parenting before I realized that I was putting a huge amount of pressure on myself, and ultimately my family, to maintain this type of hobby.

Long before Abby, I would see my mommy friends struggle to maintain scrapbooks of their little ones growing up. Many times they couldn’t afford the materials you needed to complete the task…and none of them could afford the time.  But, they did it, regardless, because that’s just what a “good” mom did.

I have come to realize that blogging is the new scrap booking. Mommies set out to document their life and times, to vent, to share, to whatever. But, just like scrap booking, it can quickly become another competition that we women seem to unconsciously enter into throughout the course of our lives. Often times, when I open up my blog reader, I get the same feeling I did when I would open up my new issues of Martha Stewart: I will never be good enough.

Wow…is this why I started blogging? To show the world that I am better than the next woman at making my family look perfect? I had a very close friend admit to me that she saw “all the things” I was doing with my little one on our family blog, and felt that she was inadequate..first because she doesn’t maintain a blog, and secondly, because she doesn’t “do enough”. Ouch…

Making my close friends feel inadequate is the LAST THING I wanted to do with my posts, and I have begun to question why it is that I do what I do.

There is a thought that has run through my head a lot lately: “Beware of blogging Mommies who post multiple times a day.” OK, so that might sound a little dramatic. Let me rephrase:

“Beware: If THIS blogging mommy is posting everyday, she is probably avoiding doing something that REALLY matters, like dealing with the issues that she CAN’T blog about.

Vent done.

So, as I have made clear in an earlier post, I am not feeling too good. Its just a cold, but this is the first real one I’ve had since becoming a mommy. I have a wonderful, supportive husband, who has taken it upon himself to make sure that our little one is taken care of while I rest as much as I can. So, given these circumstances, I should be at peace, right?

Well, in this time of being semi- quarantined from my baby, I have never wanted to hold her more! I feel my heart melt when I see her, and know that I can’t kiss her all over and snuggle close.  I have been completely caught off guard by these feelings, but, as my husband has reminded me over and over . . . she is my closest companion . . . and I am hers.  This makes sense.  This longing to be with her. I could not begin to imagine the strength of the bond between a mother and her child. But I see glimpses of how much love I am capable of giving to her when I see her feelings hurt, when she bumps her head on the table as she’s "swimming" by, or when I can’t hold her on a whim.

Wow. If one cold has caused this kind of introspection, I’m in for one heck of a ride.

I just had another realization. One that might just compel me to get on the phone with my Mom, and say "I’m so sorry…".

As I am sitting here typing with a fever and Kleenex crammed up my nose, I just realized that I don’t really remember my Mom ever being sick…at least not when I was a child.  I remember MY colds, staying home from school, the "barf pan" (sorry), the Saltines and 7 Up, and my Mom scratching my back (which she new I loved)…but I don’t remember her ever being sick.

And now I get it. My little one doesn’t care that I would rather be in bed. She still needs me to love all over her…after a good hand washing of course. 

Wow…this job is one in a million.